Docket #CV 123
Dictates of Society vs. the Ericksons
Domicile in question: single family home located in the stylish, hipster central-San Francisco Bay Area
Room in question: living room which, due to a lack of window treatments, gives passer-byes a clear view inside at ugly walls dotted with too many colors
Charges: disorderly stylish-homeowner conduct, excessive use of Behr paint samples, infringement on neighbors’ rights to see a pretty home inside a window, and style negligence
Plaintiff, please state your case and evidence.
Honorable members of hipster Bay Area society. We of the San Francisco Bay Area have a style standard to uphold. Around the country, the world even, people look to the Bay Area for innovation, style, panache, the next Apple product or Google acquisition, even Michael Pollan’s forthcoming book telling us how to eat.
The Ericksons are a part of our community only because of a geographical location. Their outright rejection and refusal to participate in being stylish new Bay Area home owners has caused unprecedented torment to our aesthetically inclined community. Their indecision in finding a color for their living room has motivated friends and family to say, and I quote, “They are a lost cause.” Please note exhibit A, B, and C on the record as evidence.
Exhibit A: Living Room Wall- southside
Exhibit B: Southside living room wall with colors numbered
Additionally we have Exhibit C, the east-facing wall. 4 more colors for a total of 24 paint patches. An obvious excessive use of Behr paint samples from Home Depot.
Many people retuning from a long day at work on BART have notified us of the eye-pain caused by the quilted paint look sported in the Erickson living room. Due to the fact that they do not have curtains everyone passing by is subjected to this style negligence. Truly this is a classic case of style unbecoming a Bay-Area homeowner.
Defense…state your case.
(looking up from reading Game of Thrones series)
Ms. Erickson? (throat clearing in awkwardness) What do you have to say in your own style defense?
Oh. Hi. Ummm. Right. Style defense. Ladies and gentlemen, upholders of the dictates of society. I admit that I am a fashionably disadvantaged person. My husband and I bought our house about a year ago, and we’ve been in a process of making this house a home. Our home.
We’ve been having some difficulties, as the prosecution has duly noted. We have this beautiful slate fireplace, see?
And it has such beautiful cool blue tones with splotches of terracotta browns and peachy-browns, and rich greys. And the amazing thing about this slate fireplace is that it changes colors depending on the way the light hits it coming through the window or if it is morning or afternoon light.
Then we have these bright wooden floors, stained in a yellowy orange color with brown grain marks. We didn’t choose this color because when we ripped out the carpet and got our floors redone we didn’t know that we could choose our floor stain color. We just let our floor guy handle it. Isn’t this a lovely rich warm tone though?
Please ignore the playful puppy in this photo. Whenever we sit on the ground she thinks we are going to start wrestling.
So, our struggle has been how do we complement both a cool tone from the fireplace and a rich warm tone from the floors?
We made significant strides when we finally just went with instinct and chose a color. Ironically one of the first 3 we put up, but that’s a story for another day.
Dictates of society: we may have mostly IKEA furniture bought from craigslist, a coffee table with a giant crack in the middle of it, and a CRV TV set that we put nick knacks on because it doesn’t work, but we have soul, and if style is anything it is instinct and soul. This is not a case of style negligence. I ask you to see our progress as a slow process of new, young homeowners learning to trust their instincts and discovering their sense of style.